: circle the drain.

the titles to my blogs are either current feelings, a song i'm listening to, lyrics, or random thoughts. this title, isn't just the name of a song, but a song that i wish i had heard a few months ago. "circle the drain" by katy perry. here are the lyrics:

This is the last time you say
After the last line you break
It's not even a holiday
Nothing to celebrate
You give a hundred reasons why
And you say you're really gonna try
If I had a nickel for every time
I'd own the bank

Thought that I was the exception
I could reroute your addiction
You could've been the greatest
But you'd rather get wasted

You fall asleep during foreplay
'Cause the pills you take are more your forte
I'm not sticking around to watch you go down
Wanna be your lover, not your fucking mother
Can't be your Saviour, I don't have the power
I'm not gonna stay and watch you circle the drain
Watch you circle the drain
Watch you circle the drain

You say you have to write your rhymes
Whatever helps you sleep at night
You've become what you despise
A stereotype
You think you're so rock and roll
But you're really just a joke
Had the world in the palm of your hands
But you fucking choked

Should've been my team mate
Could've changed your fate

You say that you love me
You won't remember in the morning

You fall asleep during foreplay
'Cause the pills you take are more your forte
I'm not sticking around to watch you go down
Wanna be your lover, not your fucking mother
Can't be your Saviour, I don't have the power
I'm not gonna stay and watch you circle the drain
Watch you circle the drain
Watch you circle the drain


You fall asleep during foreplay
'Cause the pills you take are more your forte
I'm not sticking around to watch you go down
Wanna be your lover, not your fucking mother
Can't be your Saviour, I don't have the power
I'm not gonna stay and watch you circle the drain
Watch you circle the drain
Watch you circle the drain



the lyrics speak for themselves; addiction. i don't view addiction as only being addicted to just a substance, i actually view addiction as also being addicted to a certain behavior; and not a behavior to which is provoked by substance; addicted to a behavior that can make you choke. such a behavior that can make or break a relationship. a male, who i have let go mentally of recently, was so addicted to a substance that altered his mind completely; it wasn't an illegal substance, but to me, any substance that alters a mind should be illegal. damnit. i lost track of my thoughts- another one came in and took control of the thought i was trying to type- mind of an insomniac.

focus here dani, get on track. not working. meditation at it's finest....

an hour later...the thought is back of what i wanted to write.
here we go;

my point is the fact that i have had so many individuals in my life, especially the male i was talking about earlier, "circle the drain"; as in try to change, preached of change, but choked. choked so hard that i tried to be a savior instead of a lover, and then it all hit me in the face; rude awakening that i can't help someone who doesn't want help. what i learned; if somebody has a trait that doesn't sit well with me, to run, run run run run run. because 9 times out of 10 that person will not change; i can't even begin to explain how many times i have heard the words "i am going to change", and it never happened. i tried, i tried so hard to change that person to better fit my needs and wants; didn't happen. all that happened was a never ending circling of the drain; never ending cycle of horrible behavior towards me that i didn't deserve. after hearing this song, and pertaining it to people in my life who have said they wanted to change, i realized that i'm not a savior, and when somebody says they need to change, in all reality, it won't happen.