: the ones that you can't forgive, are the ones you need to let go of the most...

i haven't written in a few days. possibly because i have been at a loss of words; my insomnia is slowly going away, and i have finally come to a speechless mind frame; which is amazing because being speechless means i have no thoughts bouncing from side to side in my brain; PROGRESS PROGRESS PROGRESS. i finally came to the conclusion that some of my thoughts were thoughts that shouldn't have been thought about; people that aren't in my life anymore, that i can't seem to forgive are the ones i need to let go of the most. those people were constantly constantly in my thoughts; thoughts of what went wrong, what did i do wrong, why did he/she treat me like that, why did they do something so harsh to hurt me-- all those thoughts, i finally let go. and with those thoughts i forgave those people. forgiving someone made me content with who i am now; for so long i blamed myself for the reasons why people hurt me. in reality, i never did anything wrong but hate them in the end for hurting me so much; i forgave them finally and i forgave myself for hating them so much.

there was one particular person that i couldn't seem to let go. he was always in my thoughts, yet i would deny the thought of thinking of him. but i let go; finally, after one trigger of an emotional break down the other night-when i was under the influence of adult beverages- i let him go; the one person that i couldn't forgive. through my emotions-crying like i have never cried before- i let that person go, and i will never ever look back. letting go of him has helped me sleep. i have come to the conclusion that letting go of the past was an aspect of my life that needed to happen in order for me to sleep and wake up to the next day; i was living in the past so much that i never wanted to go to sleep because i would have to wake up to a new day; the future. wow. shocking that it took me this long to come to this conclusion. but i am so proud that i finally figured out what i needed to do in order to possibly sleep better and have the want and need to wake up to a new day and not live in the past.