: LEAVE ME ALONE!

after seeing a therapist, a sleep doctor and my professor (who is a doctor) today, i am overwhelmed by the thought of someone analyzing me, picking my brain, trying to figure out why i am the way i am, trying to help me and smartening me up. it's bad enough that i go about my days "analyzing" other people (and myself) because "it's my job" (that i don't get paid for). it just has been on my mind all day how overwhelmed i feel today about getting my brain picked; yes, i adore all the people that are trying to help me, they work some wonders on me; but i think that maybe i am getting irritated by the fact that i want to be "fixed" NOW! not tomorrow, not a week from now.. one word; N O W!!


i was really irritated today. sometimes i don't feel like talking; i just want to be quite when someone talks my ear off, when someone asks me a question, when i am sitting in therapy...but i feel like if i am too quite, someone will asks me "what's wrong?"; and to me, the phrase "what's wrong?" is so overwhelming. why can't i just be quite? why does something always have to be wrong with me when i don't say a word?? perhaps it's because everyone is use to me being bubbly all the time? god forbid dani is quite. assumption is what is called; dani doesn't talk, there is "something wrong with her". dani doesn't smile, "she's sad". dani doesn't participate in class, "she isn't paying attention". dani doesn't text me back, "she's not ok." maybe this is why i do the things i do;

no talking- i just don't want to talk.
i don't smile- i just don't see a reason to smile 24/7 like a fucking clown.
i don't speak up in class- everybody else asks the dumb questions that take up time; so why am i going to take up time asking my smart questions?
i don't text you back- i am busy, my phone isn't with me, my phone is off; or perhaps, I JUST DON'T WANT TO TALK!


there is a little list of why i do the things i do, or don't do the things that you want me to do. common sense. next time someone asks you whats wrong, or why you are doing something that pisses them off i suggest you say the following;

"i thank you for asking me what is wrong. for i see that i am not being 'myself'. but, i would appreciate it if you'd stop assuming that something is wrong because i am not________(fill in blank with what you aren't doing that is pissing them off). it's nothing you did, it just how i feel; and right now, i'd appreciate it if you'd shut the fuck up and mind your own business."

all set.
good to go.
peace.