: waves crash.

xdcfgvhbkjn kjbgfdyxg jlknbhjgvcftfugvhbjlnk;m njbhvgcftfgh j


that is how my brain is right now.
dfkghdfkghdfkgjhdfkgjhdkfghdkfjghdkjgh.
all over the place.
rapid rapid rapid movement.
thoughts going in and out in and out in and out.
so much to do; so little time.
my brain wont turn off for a split second.
1...
2...
3...
nope, not turning off.
what the fuck meditation, thinking chair, everything else under the sun that i have used to cope with my racing thoughts; WHY AREN'T YOU WORKING TODAY???
out of all days, a monday, when i start my week; suppose to start off with a clear mind and a mind that is focused, and all my coping skills aren't working.
gosh damnit mother fuckfuckfuckfuck.
i hope the fuck word doesn't offend anybody who is reading this; i apologize.


i am feeling overwhelmed by the thoughts of tomorrow;
-finishing up a massive shit ton of idiotic useless homework.
-waking up early-not like i sleep much, but when i do have to wake up is when i usually am about to fall asleep.
-trying to get to personal stuff done like ugh fitting a therapy session somewhere in between interning, homework and work.
- leaving my doggie home alone all day tomorrow really makes me sad.
- knowing that tomorrow is going to suck up an ass ton of energy from me makes me want to NOTTTTT go to sleep because i don't want tomorrow to come; but what the hell, it's going to come and i am going to have to put my adult panties on and fucking deal with it like a champ.
-waesgbfhjdgsgjnfnkjigr3nkreopghroebkgjreg;trnk; that right there, is exactly how my brain is going to be during the corse of the next few days; i think i spelt corse wrong, but honestly, who is checking my grammar on this? are you? didn't think so.


what i learned today:
- that no matter how high i build my wall and try to keep people out, i have to eventually take it down in order to let the potential "good" people in.
- that i adore adore adore helping people; but for someone reason i don't adore helping myself.
- thatttttttttttttttt no matter how hard i try to have a calm brain, sometimes there needs to be chaos in order for me to function.

goal for tomorrow;
- to not punch someone in the face.
- to take one step at a time and realize that things need to be done when they need to be done and i need to follow thru with what needs to be done in order to get whatever other shit that needs to be done, DONE. [that was a really long sentence with a lot of NEEDS in there].
- not think about the past.
- think only about the present.
- smile at a stranger even if i feel like i want to scream.
- eat a meal besides cheezits.
-huggest goal for tomorrow is: drum role please...


drumdrumdrumdrum....



to love every minute of my day; for whatever reason that it might suck, it's meant to suck, and the only thing i can do to change the suckiness is to think of the positive; thinking positive produces love; love love love love.