: spoke the truth; i wished i could do it & i did.

a day of truth, confidence, courage & coming to terms with something i have kept secret for so long.
i'm unsure when i will ever disclose this information in my writings, but all i can say is that what i did today, was thee most courageous thing i have ever done in my life; never thought coming to terms with something that could make or break me would be so hard, yet so easy all at the same time; it was refreshing to know that i can finally let the rain fall down, the floodgates open and set myself up for a rainbow; because coming to terms with something to me is running into a huge rainbow after the rain falls. when the rain falls it's horrid, but after it falls, there is always a rainbow.

my thought process has been all over the place lately; but today, my sleep doctor told me to dedicate a certain time and certain place for any and all of my thinking that isn't pertaining to any certain situation that i am in. i now have a thinking chair; yes, like a thinking cap, but a chair. every night from now on, a half hour "before bed", i am going to sit in this chair, and write down every thought i had throughout the day and that moment in time; i will wait for my thinking chair time to think and let my mind race; other then that time, i will not allow my thoughts to get in the way of my daily life; racing thoughts ruin moments that should be embraced. if i have a thought throughout the day that i want to race race race in my mind, i will write down on a piece of paper some sort of reminder of the thought, and look back at that thought ONLY when i am in my thinking chair. perfection at it's finest if you ask me; who would have thought that a designated time to "think" would really work; first day trying and first day successful. i think this little project will finally help my mind at ease before bed so i can finally have a peaceful somber.