: who i thought you were...

there is nothing more hurtful than a lie; a lie that is told to you and a lie to which a person isn't who you thought they were.

i am a girl of honestly and believe that honestly is what holds every thread together. everything that comes out of my mouth is honest; even if it the most brutal honesty, i will say it. i feel as though honestly is better than a lie, even if the honestly hurts.

i would much rather have a man tell me that he wasn't in love with me than to tell me he was and than pull a wild card on me; as in lie; showing me a whole different side; it's like two personalities and everything about you is a lie.

i have always had a wall in front of me, for this reason; i don't like to be hurt and i don't want to get hurt. i seem to never learn. it took me 3 years to let my wall down gradually due to loosing my high school sweetheart; ever since than i have let people in, gradually, sometimes i get hurt, sometimes i don't, it's life. but i was fairly certain that recently my wall was going allll the way down; i was ready to face any type of relationship. it was time for me to unhide, why be stuck behind a wall forever when i have so much to offer somebody?

to the point, long story short; i let a guy in my life, who i trusted, who i believed in and who i believed was an honest person; recent events showed me that the person who i thought he was, really wasn't him. it's sad. he has so much going for him, yet he had to ruin it with someone who believes in him whole hearted. i often blame myself for these types of things; because i shoulda known, i shoulda known better. but, my new perspective, if i never let me wall down, i wouldn't get a taste of what is really out there; why not take a chance? so i take a chance, and get hurt. thanks for building my wall back up, i missed it.


such a shame.