bucket list...as of now....
1. eat a banana split.
2. be a mentor to someone.
3. visit every MLB stadium.
4. skydive.
5. play scrabble.
6. fall in love.
7. jump off a waterfall's edge.
8. swim with dolphins.
9. own a non-profit organization.
10. go on a picnic.
11. sleep for a solid 10 hours.
12. go on a road trip with no predetermined destination.
13. live in a different country for a month.
14. build a snowman.
15. get picked up on a first date.
16. thank my parents for everything they have done for me.
17. do something for me, myself and i.
18. mean the world to someone.
19. run across a field; preferably on national tv-yankees stadium.
20. if 19 occurs; get arrested..for a good cause (i'd say the yanks are a good cause)
21. change someone's life.
22. ride a horse.
23. put myself in someone else's shoes for a week.
24. go with my gut.
25. if 6 occurs; stay in love.
26. walk around all day without shoes.
27. swim in a public fountain.
28. become friends with my enemies.
29. forget.
30. forgive.
31. get "stuck" on an island.
32. if 25 occurs; get married.
33. go to vegas.
34. gamble in vegas.
35. if 32 occurs; stay married.
36. if 35 occurs; STAY happily married.
37. skip the gym and not feel guilty.
38. visit greece.
39. if 36 occurs; enjoy the happy marriage.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
: transparent; clarity..
“transparent”; a word that some may describe as seeing aspects of life a bit more clear. i see it as a word that could be used to describe me "putting it all out on the table"; as in disclosing facts about me that could potentially make or break a relationship with a person; kind of like sharing my "deep dark secrets", or just being clear with who i am. when transparency comes into play in my life, i see it as a make it or break it point; either the person who i am disclosing my "deep dark secrets" to is going to accept it and stay, or not accept it and run. which ever they chose i will accept, no arguments there, because if they aren't going to accept how clear i am about myself, then why would i want such a person in my life who isn't going to accept me for me? if one has the inclination that i wouldn't fully be clear on who i am, then that individual doesn't see the world as a whole clear view, that individual sees the world as a half foggy view. if one views everything as foggy and half, then what is the sense of learning about anything; why bother? why would you want to only know half of who a person is-to which would be the "positive" qualities and leave out the other half- which would be the negative. because when there is a whole of something, there is both positive and negative aspects of that whole. to which brings me to this; being transparent is something a lot of people don't do; because they want to be accepted for what that other person wants them to be; it's all about acceptance. but i wonder why any person would want to half ass who they really are..perhaps they are scared of rejection. i can see that; i use to hide every "negative" aspect about me to every person i would have a relationship with, because i didn't want that person to "reject" me; i was only sharing half of me. but then i slowly but surely learned that being me without the other half of me-the negative aspects- isn't who i am. and i want every person to accept me for ALL of me and not just half; so be transparent. endure your positive and negatives qualities, air it out, put it on the table. and if that person runs, let them run; in the end, it's their loss.
Monday, March 21, 2011
: firsts...
there is a first for everything; so they say.
but there are a few firsts for me that will always, even without thinking about it, that i will always remember.
the first time-& only time; relationship wise-i ever said "i love you" to a guy; i have had many guy friends in my life that i have loved dearly, but have only had one boyfriend that i have ever said that magical phrase to. ever since that relationship vanished into thin air, i haven't ever used that phrase again-in terms with being in a relationship. those words are too strong and meaningful to throw out loosely; i feel as though people now a days just say it to say it, and there is no "meaning" behind it. i often wonder what it would feel like to love like that again; that feeling seems to have gotten lost because i haven't found the one man that leaves me smiling when i wake up; which is how i know i am in love.
the first time i cried, not because i was sad, but because something was beautiful; ever see or hear something so beautiful that it made you cry? for me, that's a sense of overwhelmingness; i was so overwhelmed by the beauty of two people falling in love in front of my eyes, that i didn't know what other emotion or feeling to endure, therefore tears naturally rolled down my cheeks. to witness what us as human beings are naturally here on this earth for made me happy; happy to know that somewhere this beauty exists.
the first time i got scared; i'd say there is no first for that; from what i can remember; i believe i am scared all the time. i am naturally scared of getting into any sort of relationship because i am scared of getting hurt. i can't remember the last time i wasn't stabbed in the back or got my "heart broken". i am a wall; and if you are the one to break these walls, i'd say we both win.
the first time i said "no"; well, for the record, i WAS a "yes" girl. i would say yes to everything; because i would always try to do what made other people happy; forget about me feeling miserable, it's was always about YOU and YOUR feelings. A few months ago that started to change. I started to see that when i kept saying yes to certain things that i knew would make me feel miserable, that it just didn't turn out so well. i think we can all put out heads in the gutter right now and make the assumption that the first time i said "no" was when....i shouldn't have to go into detail for this one; men are pigs. and when i find one that isn't, maybe i'll share how he "swept me off my feet".
the first time i was speechless; somebody told me that "i deserved better". simple as that make me speechless. why? because it was a realization for me that i did and do and always will deserve better.
the first time my breath was taken away; has yet to happen...
but there are a few firsts for me that will always, even without thinking about it, that i will always remember.
the first time-& only time; relationship wise-i ever said "i love you" to a guy; i have had many guy friends in my life that i have loved dearly, but have only had one boyfriend that i have ever said that magical phrase to. ever since that relationship vanished into thin air, i haven't ever used that phrase again-in terms with being in a relationship. those words are too strong and meaningful to throw out loosely; i feel as though people now a days just say it to say it, and there is no "meaning" behind it. i often wonder what it would feel like to love like that again; that feeling seems to have gotten lost because i haven't found the one man that leaves me smiling when i wake up; which is how i know i am in love.
the first time i cried, not because i was sad, but because something was beautiful; ever see or hear something so beautiful that it made you cry? for me, that's a sense of overwhelmingness; i was so overwhelmed by the beauty of two people falling in love in front of my eyes, that i didn't know what other emotion or feeling to endure, therefore tears naturally rolled down my cheeks. to witness what us as human beings are naturally here on this earth for made me happy; happy to know that somewhere this beauty exists.
the first time i got scared; i'd say there is no first for that; from what i can remember; i believe i am scared all the time. i am naturally scared of getting into any sort of relationship because i am scared of getting hurt. i can't remember the last time i wasn't stabbed in the back or got my "heart broken". i am a wall; and if you are the one to break these walls, i'd say we both win.
the first time i said "no"; well, for the record, i WAS a "yes" girl. i would say yes to everything; because i would always try to do what made other people happy; forget about me feeling miserable, it's was always about YOU and YOUR feelings. A few months ago that started to change. I started to see that when i kept saying yes to certain things that i knew would make me feel miserable, that it just didn't turn out so well. i think we can all put out heads in the gutter right now and make the assumption that the first time i said "no" was when....i shouldn't have to go into detail for this one; men are pigs. and when i find one that isn't, maybe i'll share how he "swept me off my feet".
the first time i was speechless; somebody told me that "i deserved better". simple as that make me speechless. why? because it was a realization for me that i did and do and always will deserve better.
the first time my breath was taken away; has yet to happen...
Sunday, March 20, 2011
: it...
recently, sleep has been eh-so-so for me; my mind hasn't been consumed by the now, but more of the when. it's not like i sit around looking for "it" anymore; i am sitting around wondering when it's going to happen. and if you don't know what "it" is, well, let me tell you what i think "it" is;
something so life changing that when i wake up in the morning it's the first thing i think about and the last thing i think about before i go to sleep. it's what i want by my side each and everyday; every inch of me consumed by it at night. my breath is taken away by it, and when i close my eyes, it's all i see. it makes me feel like a whole different person, yet doesn't change who i am, but makes me better. it gives me strength when the days are rough, and it gives me hope when all else fails. it makes me smile constantly and sometimes cry; a cry that takes me breath away because it's so beautiful. it makes my heart skip a beat and my hands sweat. it makes my body numb, yearning for more. it takes every part of me and enjoys it; even when i am at my worst, i am accepted. it's honest, it's mind blowing, it's breathtaking, it's numbing, it hurts so good, it wants more of me, i want more of it, it's special, it's life changing, it's once in a lifetime; it's love.
something so life changing that when i wake up in the morning it's the first thing i think about and the last thing i think about before i go to sleep. it's what i want by my side each and everyday; every inch of me consumed by it at night. my breath is taken away by it, and when i close my eyes, it's all i see. it makes me feel like a whole different person, yet doesn't change who i am, but makes me better. it gives me strength when the days are rough, and it gives me hope when all else fails. it makes me smile constantly and sometimes cry; a cry that takes me breath away because it's so beautiful. it makes my heart skip a beat and my hands sweat. it makes my body numb, yearning for more. it takes every part of me and enjoys it; even when i am at my worst, i am accepted. it's honest, it's mind blowing, it's breathtaking, it's numbing, it hurts so good, it wants more of me, i want more of it, it's special, it's life changing, it's once in a lifetime; it's love.
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