: iNSOMNIA FULL FORCE!

so i haven't slept for 24 hours (i woke up at 9am on tuesday, and haven't slept since, it's now 9am wednesday).

i know the exact reasons why i haven't slept; and there is no control over these reasons. if i had control over any of them, then i would be fixing them like i fix everything else; i am graduating in 14 days with my masters degree in social work- and am jobless-i can't fix that-i can try to get a job, which i have been for the past 2 months. the fact that i will potentially be jobless for a few weeks or even months after graduation is freaking me the fuck out. mainly because i have worked so hard for the past 2 years to get thru this masters program and to come out alive and on top, i'd say that i deserve a job right away (yeah, i'm cocky for one second of my life, so what?); but i know the world doesn't work like that does it? more so it works like this; your classmate sitting next to you who has barely passed the classes and skated thru the program will more than likely get a job before you do; because that's how the world works; it's unfairly portioned. nothing is ever fair.

do you think it's fair that a girl gets a job because she "messed around" with the CEO of the company? not fair. her credentials aren't what the company needs, but of course, her credentials don't seem to matter; what matters here is how far her legs can spread. she is what i'd like to call a cuntbag. [excuse my french, but ey, she deserves it].

i feel like my life is out of control right now- that one aspect of it-being jobless, just sounds so dirty and so horrible; i cringe every time i have to re apply for the same job via career builder; i stalk every agency i applied for and so far, i've got NOTHING. so i am told to "wait patiently". alright, listen, if you were about to graduate would you wait patiently? no, i don't think you would. meh!! this blog is pointless because there is no initial point i am trying to make- well besides that i am FREAKING OUT- but i am still going to post it anyway. i am sure tonight when i can't sleep again you will get a hell of a lot more of wordage out of me; unless my brain is still going a mile a second regarding my freaking out stance of not having a job!