people come in and out of our lives for a reason; some may leave a dent that is positive and some may leave one that is negative; either way a dent is a dent and a person is a person; with that being said, i am grateful for every person i have came encounter with; some have made me cry, some have made me hate them, some have made me love, some have made me let my guard down; but today i realized that the most important person in my life is me; and today is the first day of MY brand new life. i will no longer live for others nor put another person before me.
you know who you are; you saved me.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
: thoughts
within the past week, i have been jobless, and going from full time graduate school, to a full time job for a few months, to now being jobless has taken a toll on my mind; i have way too much time to think, to over analyze, to pick apart what i'm doing wrong in life, to pick apart the past, bla bla bla; you follow my drift. i still don't have the strength and power to control my thoughts-they get out of hand sometimes. i will find myself over analyzing a situation, that is so clear, for hours upon end, to realize that i just waisted my time over analyzing a situation that was clearer then broad daylight and there was no changing the situation. i have struggled for so long, finding ways to "shoo away" the thoughts in my head that don't need to be there, but for some reason, they always come back to me; like a bee seeking honey.
i find this quote to be true; if i think that i am going to be miserable because i don't have a job, i will turn into a miserable person because my thoughts will take over and i will slowly but surely start to become what i think. it is a revolving door. one must stop their thought process if it's going to affect who they are in a negative sense before it gets to the point where they have no idea how to get out of the hole. it's hard to shift a negative thought to a positive thought, because individuals are often times so blinded by the negativity in their life that they forget to see the positive in the situation, which can frame positive thoughts. so what i have been working on, is with every negative thought that comes to my mind, for instance "i am not good enough for him", i change it around so it sounds positive, i rationalize it, "i am good enough for him, he just isn't the right one". see how that works? just because a man doesn't want me, doesn't mean that i am not good enough, it just means that he perhaps isn't the right one. let's try another one "i will never find a job again"..."i will find a job, it just takes time, i should be grateful that i am not at my past job because i was miserable"--look at the positive in the situation of being jobless, you aren't working like a slave where you weren't appreciated. seems easy...takes a lot of practice. but i think that within every negative there is a positive, so i myself am going to work some more on changing my negative thoughts into positive; after all, who wants to become what we think? not i.
"We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves"
i find this quote to be true; if i think that i am going to be miserable because i don't have a job, i will turn into a miserable person because my thoughts will take over and i will slowly but surely start to become what i think. it is a revolving door. one must stop their thought process if it's going to affect who they are in a negative sense before it gets to the point where they have no idea how to get out of the hole. it's hard to shift a negative thought to a positive thought, because individuals are often times so blinded by the negativity in their life that they forget to see the positive in the situation, which can frame positive thoughts. so what i have been working on, is with every negative thought that comes to my mind, for instance "i am not good enough for him", i change it around so it sounds positive, i rationalize it, "i am good enough for him, he just isn't the right one". see how that works? just because a man doesn't want me, doesn't mean that i am not good enough, it just means that he perhaps isn't the right one. let's try another one "i will never find a job again"..."i will find a job, it just takes time, i should be grateful that i am not at my past job because i was miserable"--look at the positive in the situation of being jobless, you aren't working like a slave where you weren't appreciated. seems easy...takes a lot of practice. but i think that within every negative there is a positive, so i myself am going to work some more on changing my negative thoughts into positive; after all, who wants to become what we think? not i.
Monday, July 4, 2011
: appreciation.
i know it's the middle of the day when i am writing this, no insomnia is taking place during the day, although i am awake, so maybe?...
most recently, i have been taking life by the horns, or at least trying to; so much is crashing down on me at once, and my thoughts are out of control that sometimes i find myself thinking "did that just happen or is that a thought?" most of you might say "what kind of drugs is this girl on?? is she hallucinating?", indeed i am not. it's called "thought takeover" (more technical term could be used, but i will save you the time because you'd have to google it), when your thoughts are coming in from every angle and you find yourself so wrapped up in them that you lose touch of reality. there is no possible way for me to live in the present moment when i have thoughts that intertwine with the past, present and future all coming at me like my brain is the ground and the thoughts are a meteoroid. i preach everyday to live in the present, but somehow, i can't practice it. it's true that we all are our own worst enemies; i wish at times i could make truce with myself; it's a constant battle for me to ever be content.
i still have yet to come to terms with the fact that people are in it for themselves and just because i go out of my way for others, doesn't mean that they will for me; for some strange reason, i feel as though one day i am going to wake up and feel appreciated by those people i do good for, but it's not going to happen, if it hasn't already happened, it's not going too. that's when my faith starts to deteriorate; i lose faith in myself and others, i feel like i am doing something wrong because i am not getting appreciated (verbally). i feel as though so many individuals don't take the time to thank the people, situations or their higher power while fighting to get to their destination because they don't stop to see the reality of how it's all unfolding; yes we are all in control of what is going to happen in our lives, we can either go right or go left, but without the help of others or a higher power, nothing will happen. we are so often caught up in our destination that we forget to appreciate the journey, especially the goodness of the people we meet on the way. appreciation is a wonderful feeling that a lot of individuals overlook. although many curve balls are being thrown at me right now, there hasn't been one day that i haven't said "thank you"; thank you to my higher power and to you.
most recently, i have been taking life by the horns, or at least trying to; so much is crashing down on me at once, and my thoughts are out of control that sometimes i find myself thinking "did that just happen or is that a thought?" most of you might say "what kind of drugs is this girl on?? is she hallucinating?", indeed i am not. it's called "thought takeover" (more technical term could be used, but i will save you the time because you'd have to google it), when your thoughts are coming in from every angle and you find yourself so wrapped up in them that you lose touch of reality. there is no possible way for me to live in the present moment when i have thoughts that intertwine with the past, present and future all coming at me like my brain is the ground and the thoughts are a meteoroid. i preach everyday to live in the present, but somehow, i can't practice it. it's true that we all are our own worst enemies; i wish at times i could make truce with myself; it's a constant battle for me to ever be content.
i still have yet to come to terms with the fact that people are in it for themselves and just because i go out of my way for others, doesn't mean that they will for me; for some strange reason, i feel as though one day i am going to wake up and feel appreciated by those people i do good for, but it's not going to happen, if it hasn't already happened, it's not going too. that's when my faith starts to deteriorate; i lose faith in myself and others, i feel like i am doing something wrong because i am not getting appreciated (verbally). i feel as though so many individuals don't take the time to thank the people, situations or their higher power while fighting to get to their destination because they don't stop to see the reality of how it's all unfolding; yes we are all in control of what is going to happen in our lives, we can either go right or go left, but without the help of others or a higher power, nothing will happen. we are so often caught up in our destination that we forget to appreciate the journey, especially the goodness of the people we meet on the way. appreciation is a wonderful feeling that a lot of individuals overlook. although many curve balls are being thrown at me right now, there hasn't been one day that i haven't said "thank you"; thank you to my higher power and to you.
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