: running around leaving scars.

scars.
scars.
burned.
wall.
scars.


those words are in my mind, right now, as the thought if sleep is non existent. the scars are still there, from heartbreaks. not from just men, but girls too- friends, friend breakups are what i like to call them. burned, burned by so many. yet, they are the first people i think about before bed. again, why do i do this? maybe because i want closure. closure from what i thought would have been life long relationships and friendships with people who don't even believe that i am here on earth. ties are broken, a wall is built. i wonder if i will be able to let anybody in ever again. a big part of this no sleeping thing, i think personally has come to this:

my mind stops me from peace.
peace is found in sleep.
peace isn't often found in the
daily grind of life...
in order to find peace, i need sleep...
because sleep is the only time that
thoughts aren't constantly invading ones mind.

one thought leads to another, and another and another and another.
then the thought leads to panic, anxiety, stress...all of those factors
of life that we as humans try to block out.

block out? BLOCK OUT? i wish i could go a minute without having a thought of anything...even the thought of shopping, lifes simple pleasures, or even ice cream..i love ice cream...but to have no thoughts, would be superb. peaceful. i want peace. i wonder if i have to find peace in myself, literally, before i have no thoughts? no thoughts so i can sleep peacefully.

this blog sucks today- my mind is all over the place...but it's evidence that this is why i can't sleep.
RACING.
RACING.
RACING.
RACING.
THOUGHTS.....

i will leave it at this: if there is one thing i would like to think about before bed, it wouldn't be a man, it wouldn't be about a person, it would be nothing.