: when you have insomnia, you're never really asleep, and you're never really awake.

awake; i sit here staring at this blank screen wondering how something can possibly be so blank- as if my mind never goes blank unless i am in a deep thought and another thought carries over to that deep thought, and i loose my train of thought. blank; wondering what that feels like. wondering if my mind goes blank when my head hits the pillow if that will cause a sleep coma or if that will cause me to think even more about how i want my brain to go blank..again, a never ending cycle of questions.

" When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep, and you're never really awake", from the movie "Fight Club" popped into my mind a few moments ago; there is so much analytical nonsense behind that quote; it can go a few ways, but for me it goes as follows; insomnia knocks the daylights out of you, even if i am awake, which is most of my day to which i am awake, insomnia takes full control of your body and mind; "you're never really awake"...tis true. insomnia can make you either feel like you are or aren't awake; it takes control of the body and mind- makes me realize that often times i am sleep walking thru life, but not all there; not fully awake because my body is abused from exhaustion and my brain is abused from exhaustion of thoughts and lack of sleep, that my body clock has shut down, yet my eyes are still open; i'm not there. it's all a dream. everything is flashing before my eyes and i don't stop to take it all in half the time; because insomnia takes the best of you and throws it down the drain, i don't ever feel awake. i see the tunnel, but no light. i need the light- to feel awake when i need to feel awake and to sleep when i really need to sleep. awake. wake me up. my senses- they need to be triggered. i am awake- right now, but i don't feel awake...