: revolving door.

for so long i was running away from the truth; i always thought that me putting myself before others, was just me being nice, in reality it's called "codependent". i want to fix everybody. i am drawn to anything that seems to have a need; a need to be fixed, loved, adored, talked to, etc. because of the field i am in, i can blame my codependency partially on it; i'm naturally drawn to people who have needs, who need to be "fixed" or who just have severe baggage from the past. in my heart, i help people because i really do care about them, but sometimes, it's shoved in my face. and more than recently, it has, and that's when i noticed that being codependent is ruining a lot of aspects of my life; i forget about me, what i want and what i need. i sometimes forget who i am living for. i guess i never really realized how neglectful i am to myself because i was always blinded by others; always so concerned on how to make them happy, how to make them succeed, how to make them smile, how to make them live. it's not something i am proud about, but i guess i am proud that i can admit that i do have a little problem with putting myself aside and others before me. in the back of my mind, i am willing to change, but some things i can't seem to let go of; the feeling i get when i make someone smile, it makes me happy. although in the end i put myself aside and go out of my way to make sure that person is happy, i forget about my life, my feelings, my day...and in turn, it's like a revolving door; i put myself aside, make you happy, and the work is done for a little, i'm back on track with my happiness, and then boom, you need me again, and i'm there. revolving door. this is something that is hard for me to admit, because most people might think i am weak, but i think i'm strong; first step is admitting.